I wonder, is it just me or, do other parents feel as melancholy as I do on the first day of school? I don’t like it. It’s not that I don’t like sharing them with friends and educators. Those are good things (or can be, anyway). Yet, I prefer staying up past bedtime without consequence. I like planning our days…together. I enjoy some travel, playing cards, Marco polo, a round of golf, and reading at all hours of the day with them. I like stopping for slurpees with no regard for dinnertime. And I love showing up at Main Event, not for a birthday party, but because we can (Rock climbing and video games are better without an agenda). Most of all, I guess I just love being together and I know this season of life is fleeting.
I work hard at being fully present with my kids. I don’t want to wish this time away believing later or older is easier. The best challenge I have going in my life is cherishing the present. I like who I am as a dad and husband. And I love who they’re becoming as intelligent, artistic, athletic, spiritual, concerned, and respectful people. It’s not without effort. But it’s a labor of love too.
To be sure, the first day of school is one of those benchmark days. Seeing them a grade older fuels my introspection. I watch my 7-year old daughter bound from the front door on her way to the bus stop with a super-cute, brand new pair of tennis shoes, hair pulled back and held in a hair clip, beaming with a nervous energy at what 2nd grade will bring. I look at my son, hair sculpted to perfection. He knows the drill. He’s excited, collected and confident. 4th grade will be good.
Why do they seem more ready than me? How can I not love this, save for the fact that it is also a benchmark for me? They’re growing, learning, and turning out well. Not just that but I like being with them. I’m confident they’d say the same. I feel like I’m growing too and I know we have fun together. But with all responsibilities and mid-life realities of being a grown up, it makes a person wonder. I think the challenge for us big kids is that life can feel less measurable, maybe more routine, the older we get. It’s hard to get excited about more of the same. It’s hard to feel like we’re growing and getting better when we’re constantly stare in the face of responsibilities, obligations, and deadlines.
Perhaps the lure of familiarity breeds comfort and the curse of it breeds contempt.
It is interesting to think that, if my kids are a benchmark in my life…and they keep growing, that I’m measuring myself based on a moving target. What if that’s a good thing? I might never “arrive” but I am learning to find joy in the present.
Growth is challenging. Perhaps for no greater reason than it is revealing. Today, on one level, it reveals that I’m growing older while they’re growing up. But it also gives me a glimpse that it’s working. Our life together is working. I love that but I also want to freeze that feeling. When the present feels good it’s hard to want to leave it. The nervous energy of the first day of school I feel is wondering what next year on this day will feel. (I guess that’s called anxiety.) Truly, I don’t think we ever arrive despite our goal setting and ambition. For me, it’s about having a few folks to take next steps together and not get stuck. It isn’t easy but it is good, like the onset of a school year.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Seeing is Believing
The nightly news is a reminder of what’s wrong in the world. Sometimes it’s all I can do to not turn the channel. The issue for me isn’t a lack of care, however. It’s the helpless feeling of not knowing how to be a part of a solution. It’s hard to see and not feel. The challenge is knowing what to do about what we see.
Then there’s the people we come across who are really passionately concerned about something you didn’t realize was a problem? Or, perhaps something affects us that way? Ever have a conviction that seemed like few others shared? We/they want to raise awareness, educate the ignorant, and push for change but often find others less than willing to do something about it. I wonder if, maybe, that’s God stirring in us. I tend to think this is part of how God might invite and involve us in healing the world.
From the Beginning, we discover the nature of God throughout the Hebrew Scripture – God the Creator, Deliverer, Provider, Healing, Protector. The first time we meet the God who Sees – Beer Lahai Roi – is with Abram, Sarai and a servant, Hagar in Genesis16. Taking God’s promise of “you (Abram) will be the Father of many nations”, she expedites the process by inserting her servant, Hagar, as part of the fulfillment of said promise (After all, God didn’t say who the mother of all those nations would be.). It worked but it didn’t feel like she thought it would. From jealousy to resentment to abuse, Hagar finds herself in the desert with child having given up on life. And still God is within reach. God sees the abuse, despair, vulnerability, and desperation. He’s anything but afar, nothing but concerned. Despite being present, they meet. I love her confession, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
I believe that God sees past, present, & future. And because he sees, I believe he hears, cares, acts, and grieves. We often look around at our lives and this world wondering, “where’s God in…?” Or, “If God is so loving, caring, or present, how could he let that happen?” We feel like God should be more active. We are tempted to doubt his care.
But…What if a large part of what we feel about injustice, greed, scarcity, abuse, wealth, accomplishment is supposed to help us see what God sees?
I think our emotions are supposed to help us experience something, something that God already sees and wants to remedy.
God sees the war in Iraq, genocide, child soldiers, human trafficking and child prostitution. He sees the face of poverty and the vulnerable. He sees the activity in Oval Office as well as our home offices, mistakes to be made, careers to be chosen, accidents about to happen, accidents that should’ve happened, runaways living on their own, prodigals far from home. God sees what we see and then some.
God also Sees our debt, our addiction, our hypocrisy, the abuse, lack of care, and our tears. He sees our discipline, extra effort, integrity, anonymous contribution, compassion, and generosity. He is the God who Sees.
Maybe we can say it this way, we see because God sees. The question is, what do we do with what moves us? Perhaps what we see and feel is God’s invitation is to be a part of a solution.
Then there’s the people we come across who are really passionately concerned about something you didn’t realize was a problem? Or, perhaps something affects us that way? Ever have a conviction that seemed like few others shared? We/they want to raise awareness, educate the ignorant, and push for change but often find others less than willing to do something about it. I wonder if, maybe, that’s God stirring in us. I tend to think this is part of how God might invite and involve us in healing the world.
From the Beginning, we discover the nature of God throughout the Hebrew Scripture – God the Creator, Deliverer, Provider, Healing, Protector. The first time we meet the God who Sees – Beer Lahai Roi – is with Abram, Sarai and a servant, Hagar in Genesis16. Taking God’s promise of “you (Abram) will be the Father of many nations”, she expedites the process by inserting her servant, Hagar, as part of the fulfillment of said promise (After all, God didn’t say who the mother of all those nations would be.). It worked but it didn’t feel like she thought it would. From jealousy to resentment to abuse, Hagar finds herself in the desert with child having given up on life. And still God is within reach. God sees the abuse, despair, vulnerability, and desperation. He’s anything but afar, nothing but concerned. Despite being present, they meet. I love her confession, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
I believe that God sees past, present, & future. And because he sees, I believe he hears, cares, acts, and grieves. We often look around at our lives and this world wondering, “where’s God in…?” Or, “If God is so loving, caring, or present, how could he let that happen?” We feel like God should be more active. We are tempted to doubt his care.
But…What if a large part of what we feel about injustice, greed, scarcity, abuse, wealth, accomplishment is supposed to help us see what God sees?
I think our emotions are supposed to help us experience something, something that God already sees and wants to remedy.
God sees the war in Iraq, genocide, child soldiers, human trafficking and child prostitution. He sees the face of poverty and the vulnerable. He sees the activity in Oval Office as well as our home offices, mistakes to be made, careers to be chosen, accidents about to happen, accidents that should’ve happened, runaways living on their own, prodigals far from home. God sees what we see and then some.
God also Sees our debt, our addiction, our hypocrisy, the abuse, lack of care, and our tears. He sees our discipline, extra effort, integrity, anonymous contribution, compassion, and generosity. He is the God who Sees.
Maybe we can say it this way, we see because God sees. The question is, what do we do with what moves us? Perhaps what we see and feel is God’s invitation is to be a part of a solution.
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