Truth

I believe in truth. I believe in absolutes. I believe that circumstances in life often erode the confidence we have in what is right and true. Because of this, I have a gnawing temptation to question God’s care over the details that are my life.

I like golf. It’s a thinking man’s game and even when you’re a head-case on the course; it’s still a nice place to be. I started taking some lessons in hopes of making the whole experience a little more enjoyable not to mention a greater source of confidence. The funny thing about taking lessons, at this point in my life, is how much I have to unlearn. My instructor says that I have a good swing…BUT…there’s too much extra stuff going on – hips not rotating, heels lifting too much, head moving, hands breaking…blah, blah, blah. My defense is, why be a minimalist when I can pimp my swing with all the extras?

The ounce of hope I operate with is my swing is actually a better swing than my average score indicates. He said the greatest problem with my swing (mostly because of all the extra movements) is that it’s not reproducible, at least in a way that will cause my score to improve and my mind to rest a little easier. Did I mention I’m a head-case on the course? I recently played a round with my instructor and I saw what he was talking about. His swing was so concise and streamlined it looked effortless. The best part about it, though, was that he could reproduce it.

Unlearning what comes natural or what I’ve always known is my greatest problem. It seems natural to look out for me first, to judge others, to fear faith and vulnerability, and feed myself a steady diet of immediate gratification. The security of my life is built on certain reference points – mom makes the best waffles, dad can fix most anything, my wife’s love is without condition, or my kids really think I’m cool, or that God cares about every detail of my life.

The longer I try to follow in the way of Christ the more I find myself re-learning, or reminding, what I cherish about knowing God. In many ways and at this point, my journey is discovering who God isn’t. It’s sort of growth by subtraction, which makes for a better golf score than pleasurable pursuit. It’s not my first choice, mind you. I find myself committed to the way of Christ but minimizing a few of my expectations (ie getting my way, loving the timing, ignoring the answer, etc). This is where I need to unlearn that God is a micro-manager, that he’ll make tough decisions for me, or that he’ll get me out of messes I create. I’m realizing that God does not enable. I’m learning how he speaks in ordinary ways and how all of Creation resounds with God’s whisper…

“Restore. Repair. Grieve. Rest. Forgive. Heal. Help. Grow.
Come closer. Cherish more. Worry less.
Give. Serve. Sacrifice. Listen. Act. Stop.
Yes. No. Maybe. Wait. Not yet…
I will comfort, not make you comfortable. I’ll guide, but you need to step out. You are loved. You matter. You’re my masterpiece and still and work in progress. You are valuable. Have worth. Are missed.”

What you do hear? The Truth is that he speaks, lives, and breathes in us.
“I’m here. You’re closer than you think.”

I believe I’m created to hear and care as much as I am created to wait, give, and be comforted. I think it’s natural for me to grieve, heal, and rest. It just doesn’t always come easy.

And, when things don’t come easy, I tend to wonder “where’s God in that?” I have to learn and remind myself that restoring, repairing, and renewing what’s lost, broken, or regretful is work. But it is good. And God is in it.

What gets put on display is what gets nurtured within. That’s reproducible.